


The end or the beginning of something?

by Menesty



Category: Roswell New Mexico (TV 2019)
Genre: Explanations, F/M, M/M, Reconciliation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-28
Updated: 2019-04-28
Packaged: 2020-02-08 19:46:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18630055
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Menesty/pseuds/Menesty
Summary: Alex is making a decision.... He meets Maria at the Wild Poney... Then Michael arrives....





	The end or the beginning of something?

**Author's Note:**

> Frustrated by the end of season 1, I couldn't help but imagine what would happen next... Season 2 will come but we have to wait until then...  
> I am not English-speaking, sorry if my vocabulary and conjugation are not good.

1\. Each on his own side

POV Alex  
Alex Manes had finally chosen silence....  
That morning, he had waited hours in vain for Michael to return... He had finally returned to town and he had seen Michael and Maria, far away from the Wild Pony, embracing, smiling... They had stopped for a moment to exchange a passionate kiss.  
It was too late... In an instant he felt like he was losing everything: his family, the hope of reuniting with his soul mate, his best friend, his desire to move forward... And one thing was certain for him: He was the only one responsible for that.  
He locked himself in his cabin for a long week, only going out for his shifts. Not answering the phone, not listening to his messages, refusing to open the door to anyone except Kyle.  
When he looks in the mirror, he no longer sees his father in it, he sees himself, lost and alone, desperately alone.  
He is in so much pain, he regret the time when his shell allowed him not to suffer too much from his separation from Michael. It was easier when he was in denial of his own feelings.  
Today he comes to regret not having died in the Caufield explosion.  
He remembers thinking he would rather die with Michael than live without him... No wonder the strength of that love has frightened him all these years.  
He has to make a decision before he totally collapses, he can work anywhere... Run away, he knows how to do... But what do you run away from when you have nothing left to tie you to?  
He announces his decision to Kyle, Kyle who has been watching him die for weeks. Kyle who gives him news about what's going on in the city, avoiding talking about Michael and Maria... Even if he doesn't have much to say about it in the end.  
Who would have thought that Kyle would be Alex Manes' best friend...  
Damn it, he missed Michael!

 

POV Michael 

Michael had come home a little lighter that afternoon... He had kissed Maria and then played guitar for a long time, for the first time in a long time, he had been able to find a little inner calm thanks to the music. Then they went out to lunch in the city, they talked and laughed, kissed again... They decided to take their time, to discover each other.

He stared for a long time at his healed hand... This hand bruised by Jesse Manes... So many aliens tortured and killed because of the Valenti and Manes families... His mother died because of Jesse Manes... And Alex who felt guilty for the heinous acts of his father... Alex Manes... Source of his greatest happiness and his greatest sorrow...  
Michael needed a simple and gentle relationship... His feelings for Alex were the opposite of that... Their relationship was ultimately only contained violence... No... This relationship was a deep love, passion and contained violence.  
Alex was supposed to come back that day, but he didn't see it coming and felt relieved not to have to face this discussion.  
He waited for the following days, tried to call him, in vain... He had gone to the chalet, but Alex had not opened the door... Alex had once again changed his mind, he had abandoned him once again.

Michael spent his day working, his evenings at the Wild Pony with Maria... A quiet life, without passion. Maria accepted him as he was, they talked for hours, flirted, no questions asked. A simple relationship, lived day by day, he felt free. Love was the worst thing that had happened to her in life, so this simple and sweet relationship with Maria suited her. He didn't want to suffer anymore.  
But for God's sake, he missed Alex!

 

2\. Maria: Bitter sweet and sour explanation

The decision is made, Alex is going to re-engage and leave far from Roswell.  
The day before Alex's re-employment contract are signed, Kyle forces him to go out into the city. Alex doesn't have the heart to refuse....  
Kyle stops the car in front of the Wild Pony, Alex sighs....  
"Is that really necessary? »  
Kyle smiles at him : "You can't leave without talking to her, Maria has been your friend for a long time, you have to tell her how you feel. ».  
Alex shrugs, "I have nothing to lose... So why not... If it's a disaster, I'll be all the happier to take the road...".  
"Because you're happy with your decision? "Kyle sighs and gets out of the vehicle.

Alex enters the Wild Pony, followed by Kyle. Alex is heading directly to the bar behind which Maria is standing. The room is almost empty... Kyle sees Isobel, sitting at a table, sad to cry about it, he approaches her and asks if he can keep her company. Isabel smiles sadly at him and accepts that he sits with her. They watch the scene at the bar between Maria and Alex.  
Maria hesitates "Alex... I..."  
"Hello Maria, if you could get me a beer to start! »  
While she serves him, he continues...  
"The last time I came here, you assured me that your affair with Michael was nothing but a mistake due to alcohol... It became much more than that, at my expense... Do you love him? »  
"Alex... I..."  
"I can't blame anyone for being able to fall in love with Michael... I've been fighting myself against this destructive love he inspires me for 10 years... But as I'm leaving soon, I just want to make sure he's finally going to be able to count on someone who won't abandon him... Do you really love him? »  
"I like him very much... We are getting to know each other better... But..."  
"Well... I can leave serene, leaving you alone neither one nor the other. »  
"Alex... You can't be so calm and detached... Express how you feel... Last time you came here I felt so much hope in you... Today I only feel emptiness in you... I'm afraid for you..."  
"No, Maria... Don't do that... I try to take things in a philosophical way... My story with Michael is dead, suffocated in a dark silence... So please don't pretend to care about how I feel... What I feel never interests, and has never interested anyone...", Alex says all this on a monotonous tone, almost a whisper, empty of emotion.  
"You're wrong... If I..."  
"Please stop, stop... I came to talk to you and not listen to you... What is done is done, is done... There is nothing more to add... I wish you happiness... Whether with or without him... And as for me, I will not hinder anything... I sign my recommitment tomorrow, it seems that the army still needs my computer skills, even if I am only ¾ from a man."  
Alex cuts short the conversation and concentrates on his beer in silence.

 

2\. Fireworks, screams, flying things...

A heavy silence hangs over the Wild Poney, when Michael enters like a tornado screaming, heading straight for Alex...  
Michael hands his phone forward, displaying a text message received from Kyle a few minutes before. Kyle grimace and Isobel startles.

"So you're re-engaging? Are you leaving again? You're running away!!! How many more battles will it take for you to stop trying to convince your family of your worth? »  
"Hello Guerin... I'm glad to see you too...", Alex says ironically, he looks furiously at Kyle.  
"You have a heart to joke, I see... So answer my question: Your family's opinion always prevails, to the point of making you leave for battles that are no longer yours? »

Alex feels his breathing accelerating dangerously... He remembers Michael's words after they broke up... He wanted fireworks, screams, flying objects, to feel that it was really over... Well Michael is going to be served, Alex feels any emotional barriers disappear. He looks at Michael as he walks towards him, and violently threw his beer bottle to the ground, Michael instantly stop surprised by the violence of Alex's gesture. Taking advantage of Michael's moment of surprise, Alex starts screaming....

"My family? What family? You're the only family I have left, for God's sake, Guerin... And I don't think going to war is doing me a lot of good with you. No, I am leaving so that the distance that separates us is real, geographical, physical... That the distance justifies this rotten situation... The truth, Guerin, is that the only battle for which it would have been worth fighting for, I have definitely lost it..."

How to fight... Maria sighs strongly and goes to get a full bottle of bourbon, she serves it to everyone.

"I love you to death... It's not healthy... it's violent and it hurts... I don't know how to deal with it... I would like to plunge my hand into your chest and rip your heart out so that you can just get a little insight into how it felt when you decided to start a relationship with someone else when I had just told you the greatest regret of my life and my desire to move towards you. You looked away Guerin... I bow and respect your choice... So respect mine!!! »

"Do you ever hear me? I never look away!!! Do you want me to respect the fact that you would rather risk your life on the other side of the world than face your relationship difficulties? You've already left me 10 years alone, alone in the face of the possibility of being told of your death at any moment... You abandoned me Alex... It would have been easier if you had left me to die alone in Caufield. Or even letting your father kill me in the shed that night! »  
"But for God's sake Guérin... That night, my father murdered both of us... He didn't take our lives, he did worse than that, he tore our hearts and souls out. Everything had to be healed and rebuilt..."  
"Yes, but you left, you ran away."  
"Yes, and I apologized for that, I explained to you why I made that selfish choice... And the only answer you gave me was to turn away from me and plunge your tongue into my best friend's mouth the very day I waited for you for hours in front of your trailer... Come back tomorrow, we'll talk about it... That's what you said, right?  
For Caufield... I couldn't convince you to get out of that time bomb. So yes, I would rather die with you than live without you with the guilt of not being able to save you. »  
"I need someone who wants to live with me, not who chooses to die with me. I need someone who takes responsibility for loving me... I need someone who is not ashamed of who I am..."  
"It's so unfair what you're saying... It's not who you were ashamed of, it's me... Because I looked at myself with my father's eyes, I judged myself as he did... I know I hurt you more than once... And the only person I blame is me... When I look into yours, I feel myself revived, I find all the feelings of lightness and happiness... Today I am ashamed, because I count the wrongs that the Manes have done to you and your family...  
"And the Valenti" Kyle intervenes in the midst of the screams. Alex and Michael look at him for a second, then Alex continues.  
"I'm ashamed to be the son of a monster who destroyed the only true thing in my life. He made me suffocate who I am, he wanted to destroy me psychologically, to destroy me. And by turning away from me at the very moment I accepted that he was solely responsible for the acts he did, and that I had to accept myself as I am, you proved him right, Guerin... By turning away from me, you proved to me that I was unworthy of your love, even without the screen of my father's prejudices... That day you rejected me Alex. I take responsibility for all the difficulties, pains, lies, ruptures that have marked our relationship... Except this one Guerin... I have loved you every day since I was 17... I love you and I will always love you... But I must continue to live despite everything... I no longer have any hope of happiness, so I aspire to bravery and the pleasure of being useful to my country... Tomorrow I will leave because I lost here the only family I had left, and I forbid you to judge me for that, you hear me? "Alex no longer masters the words he can’t understand, he isn’t sure everything make sense, but he has to say everything he can in order to leave without this heavy baggage of the unspoken things of the past.

Guerin looks at him for a long time, he don’t really know what to say... Michael has never seen Alex angry... He feels ready to break everything in the room as he has so often done on drinking nights. The tension has to go down... He looks around him... Maria is crying softly behind the counter... Kyle is staring at them, a tight smile on his face... And Isobel is looking at him with such a sad smile, she had lost Noah and Max in a few days, she has only him... If he explods now, he can hurt them all, the violent energy he feels inside him can pulverize the Wild Pony in an instant... When he sees Isobel's gaze, he sees that she is showing him the guitar placed further away... Music, the only thing that allowed him to calm the negative emotions that were stirring him... He walks to the stage, sits down and takes the guitar... He takes a deep breath, closes his eyes and begins to play.

Alex's anger disappeares instantly, he takes a deep breath, and closes his eyes in turn, listening to the sounds produced by Michael's fingers... Michael's fingers... Michael's hands... Michael's left hand... He reopens his eyes and fixes his gaze on this intact hand... This bruised hand, symbol of their impossible relationship... This hand is cured... Alex feels tears burning in his eyes... 

Maria whispers to him: "I know you didn't come to listen to me... But Alex... I love you... You're one of my best friends... And my story with Michael is over... She hasn't even really started yet... I would have been just a second choice, and I deserve better... I hope one day you will forgive me.».  
Alex looks at her with a shy smile, then turns his attention to Michael who is still playing the guitar, he observes how relaxed Michael's body is. Alex get up and go to sit next to Michael, he closes his eyes, also trying to calm all the tensions that are stirring him a few moments earlier.  
Michael feels Alex's presence at his side, and says, "I will respect your choice, I promise... But please, I would like you to answer 2 questions, without thinking... Ok? »  
"Ok!"  
"If you were to keep only one happy moment in your life as a memory, which one would it be?  
"The day you kissed me at the museum, the same day we first gave ourselves to each other... Until..." his voice broke again...  
"It didn't happen, look, it didn't happen"... Michael takes Alex's face in his hands, then shows him his left hand unscathed... Alex feels the tears running down his cheeks...  
"Your happier day is mine too… I want you close to me, I want us to start over from scratch, I love you even more than I loved you that day... We won't erase the past, but we can write together a future full of happiness... I propose you to fight alongside me to win this battle, our love battle. There's only one question left: Are you still re-engaging tomorrow? »  
"I think that if this battle is not yet lost, it is my duty to fight to win it... I don’t look away, Guerin..."  
Michael smiles at him and starts playing guitar again, so Alex, exhausted, puts his head on Michael's shoulder, he savours the sound of the music, his eyes closed.  
Further on, Isobel, Maria and Kyle smile... So not everything is just suffering in Roswell...


End file.
